Funny story of the day

[mikecorn.1]

Thats funny right there.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[3rensho]

That was funny  ;D ;D

[rdevous]

 
Two Clever Nuns – Elementary Watson

There were two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical   (SM) ,

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .

It  is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM:   Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 ½ minutes ? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to violate   us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later... 

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not  working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute .

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. 

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty.....................

Say two Hail Marys!

And the Moral of the Story is :

LOGIC BEATS MATH ANYTIME.
And Math cannot survive without Logic.


 
Ray
 
 

[Wildcat]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw&feature=youtu.be

[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D :D

[devo]

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal,'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks:'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the Teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...'

[3rensho]

Welfare  check:

A guy  walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched  straight up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You  know, I just HATE drawing welfare  checks. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said,

"Your  timing is excellent! We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who  wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive  her around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL550 and he will supply all of your  clothes. Because of the long hours, your meals will be provided. You'll also be  expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather  awkward to say, but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment,  satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy,  just plain wide-eyed by now said, "You're bull $hittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well ...  You started  it."

[Mr Walleye]

Golf Joke

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420-YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

[pensrock]

 ;D ;D ;D

[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D

[SiFumar]

A Game Warden was driving down the road
He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'
The boy replied, 'What turkey?'
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'
... The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'

The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his butt and let him go!'


May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!!
 

[Leadfoote]

A Game Warden was driving down the road
He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'
The boy replied, 'What turkey?'
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'
... The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'

The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his butt and let him go!'

[Mr Walleye]

Foul-mouthed Parrot:

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else
he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.  The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and Unforgivable behaviour."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

[JZ]

OLD FART FOOTBALL


An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes
> gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
>
>
> His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
>
>
> The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
> A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says,'Touchdown, tie
> score...'
>
>
> After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
> 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
>
>
> Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
> 'Touchdown, tie score.'
>
>
> Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
> 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.
>
>
> He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
> Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got,
> and accidentally 0s in the bed.
>
>
> The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
> The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

[Bavind]

Beer Nose Bad lol