Funny story of the day

[rdevous]

 
A blonde motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.  The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
 
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.  My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.  They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day.  Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?  I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
 
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
 
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
 
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!  There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
 
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.  "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded.  "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
 
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Salmonsmoker]

Good one Ray! ;D ;D

[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D

[mikecorn.1]

Good one!! :) :)


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[mikecorn.1]

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.


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[ghost9mm]

 :D :D :D

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'


Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

[3rensho]

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'

Something similar happened to a cousin of mine.  He was in a five items or less queue and the woman in front of him had a full cart.  He tapped her on the shoulder and said "Didn't you go to Springfield high?"  She looked at him and said "Why yes, how did you know?"  His response was *because you can't count worth a damn".

[3rensho]

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live. :o :o

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I got robbed at the Shell garage yesterday.
When the Police arrived they asked if I knew who was responsible.
"Pump No.6", I replied.

[rdevous]

   
...And what can you do with a Post-it Note pad and an office window?
 
http://www.geekosystem.com/french-post-it-note-war/
 
 
Ray
 
 

[dman4505]

Found this on another website I frequent:

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) These southern boys will be dropped into Afghanistan knowing only these facts about terrorists: 1.The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt...The Pentagon expects the problem to be solved by Monday.


Don

[SiFumar]

LOL Heck ya!

[ghost9mm]

Someone is gonna die...lol...

[mikecorn.1]

Lol!


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[rdevous]

 
THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE



An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a
Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and two Black guys, ...walk  into a fine restaurant.
 
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', scrutinizing the group one by one and barring their entrance into the restaurant. "You can't come in here without a Thai.
 
 
Ray
 

[ghost9mm]

 :D groan, groan, groan...