Funny story of the day

[bigredsmoker]

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES



The kids filed back into class Monday morning.  They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.



Little Sally led off:

"I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly,

"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach

for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher.



Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines

would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.



Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the

teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were

you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher,

"How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"



"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. 

I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes

like s***!" Then I would say, "It is s***."



"Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

[Tiny Tim]

It was bed time and Little Johnny was being put to bed by his father.  Father asked if Johnny needed anything before he left and Johnny said no.  Five minutes later, he called out "DAD, could I get a drink of water?".  Father hollers back "no, you had your chance, go to sleep".  Another five minutes go by, and Johnny calls out "Dad, could I get a drink of water?".  Father answers with "no, if you ask again, you're going to get a spanking".  Five minutes later Johnny calls out "DAD", Father answers "What?", Johnny says "when you come in here to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?".

[Mr Walleye]

That's good BigRed! My day at the office needed a boost!  ;)

Mike

[Tiny Tim]

A blonde girl came home from school one day, and said "Mommy, mommy, guess what.  I can count higher than the other kids in my class...they can only count to five, I can count to ten, see? 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10...is that because I'm a blonde?"  Mother answers, yes dear, it's because you're a blonde.

The next day the girl comes home from school and says "Mommy, mommy, I can go further in the alphabet than the rest of my class...they can only get to "D", and I can go all the way to "H"...is that because I'm a blonde?"  Mother answers, yes dear, it's because you're a blonde.

Third day the girl comes home from school and says "Mommy, mommy, I'm the best kickball player in my class.  I kicked a home run 3 times, and caught the ball for several outs...is that because I'm a blonde?"

Mother answers "NO, it's because you're 25 years old".

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

[manxman]

Queensland, Australia............. Country Petrol Station



A petrol station in Queensland was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free s*x with Fill-Up."

Soon a local pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free s*x. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free 0.


The bloke then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no s*x this time."

A week later, the same bloke come along, with his mate, Bluey, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free s*x.


The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.


The bloke guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free s*x this time."


As they were driving away, the bloke said to his mate, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free s*x."

Blue replied, "No, it ain't, Bill. It ain't rigged --
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"my Missus won twice last week"

[bigredsmoker]

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."


On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather

Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which (I swear) the flight attendant re plied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, B*tch."

[car54]

WHY WOMEN LIVE LONGER

[acords]

=============================

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up.


Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

[Buck36]

G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As
they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word
was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would
turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had
Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave.

Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell
that and think I've been in a whorehouse."

The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of
a whorehouse smells like."


   

[bigredsmoker]

I really like that one Buck36 :D :D :D

[Wildcat]

Good ones.   :D :D :D

[bigredsmoker]

Blondes 'Ed' and 'Dorothy' met while on vacation and Ed fell head
over heels in love with her.    On the last night of his vacation, the
two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they
would continue the relationship.

"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut,"  Ed said to his lady
friend.   "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, So if that's a problem, you'd
better say so now."

Dorothy responded,  "If we're being honest with each other, here
goes . . .I'm a hooker."

"I see," Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment.  Then he added,
"You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists
straight when you tee off."

[Wildcat]

 :D :D :D

[Ontrack]

Another one from little Johnny's class:

At the end of the day, the teacher told her third graders to go home, watch TV, find something about human s*xual behavior, and report it to the class the next day.

The next day, the teacher asked if anyone saw anything on TV about s*x.

Little Nancy raised her hand and said "I saw a man and woman kissing".  "Very good", replied the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Jennifer raised her hand and said "I saw a woman in the hospital having a baby". "Wonderful, Jennifer, that's great" said the teacher.

Then Little Johnny stood up in the back of the room and beamed "I saw Gene Autry kill a whole tribe of Indians with his bare hands!"

Puzzled, the teacher said "That's nice Johnny, but what does that have to do with s*x?"

And Little Johnny said "It sure taught them d@mn Injuns not to f#*k with Gene Autry!!!"