Funny story of the day

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

Strangely enough I heard that very same joke on this side of the pond yesterday, only this time it involved Londoners and Scousers! (Liverpool)  ;)

[3rensho]

 ;D ;D That's called globalization.  ;D ;D In this neck of the woods the store owners would be in Zürich and the hillbillies would be from Basel.  Great rivalry there.

[Wildcat]

Good one.  ;D ;D ;D

[manxman]

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is apparently an "Australian
treasure!"

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to
the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of
the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between
a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout
Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when
they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching
children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they
even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:

Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?


The radio went silent and the interview ended.

[Wildcat]

Excellent!

[3rensho]

What a comeback.  LMAO ;D ;D ;D

[coyote]

Great stuff.. ;D ;D ;D

[bigredsmoker]

That's great, had to e-mail that one to some friends!!

[Wildcat]

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.           
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant,
"Steve's  Place," and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt
pocket.           
It seemed a little strange.  When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he
also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.           
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.  When the waiter
came back to serve our soup I inquired,   "Why the spoon?"           
"Well, "he explained, "the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp! all of our
processes.  After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.  It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.         
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and
save 15 man-hours per shift."           
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare.  "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."  I was 
impressed.         
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.         
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.  So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"           
"Oh, certainly!"  Then he lowered his voice.  "Not everyone is so observant.  That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.  By tying this string to the tip of our  you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom  by 76.39%.           
I asked quietly, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"         
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

[manxman]

 :D :D :D Good one!!

[Wildcat]

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture
in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud
towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and
YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly
how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers; 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it
to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area
in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it
to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany

Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL
database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,
'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as
the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'

  'You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government', says Bud.

  'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

  'No guessing required.', answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,
to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. .
.. .Now give me back my dog.

[aces-n-eights]

HAAAAAA!  Good one, Wild!

[coyote]

You are....the Wild------cats Meow ;D Great stuff  8)

Coyote

[manxman]

 :D :D :D

[LilSmoker]

Haha! that's funny Wildcat, and as usual very true!