Funny story of the day

[Tenpoint5]

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -  Stephen Bishop


Should make a greeting card out of this one. Could make millions on it.

[jbollier]

I sat, as did millions of other Americans and watched as their government underwent a peaceful transition of power a few weeks back.At first, I felt pride and patriotism as I watched Barack Obama take his Oath of office.
However all that pride quickly vanished as I watched 21 marines in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21 gun salute to the new President.
It was then I realized how far American's Military had deteriorated.
Every last one missed!

[Tenpoint5]

I sat, as did millions of other Americans and watched as their government underwent a peaceful transition of power a few weeks back.At first, I felt pride and patriotism as I watched Barack Obama take his Oath of office.
However all that pride quickly vanished as I watched 21 marines in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21 gun salute to the new President.
It was then I realized how far American's Military had deteriorated.
Every last one missed!

As politically incorrect as that was I still found the HUMOR in it. (I wouldn't have missed!!) But I have to give the man a fighting chance. This has been along time coming. It won't be fixed over night.

[Ka Honu]

...This has been along time coming.

Yeah - pretty much since they stopped Patton from taking Berlin.  I think that's about when we officially switched from the "William Barrett Travis School of Diplomacy" (Cross this line and die) to our current strategy (Cross this line and we'll draw another line).

[jbollier]

 

Yeah, go ahead and give him a fighting chance.
He can only do what the fools surrounding him will let him do.
Two more years and we will see if we can get some of those knuckleheads out of there.
I know this is not a political forum but we gotta start somewhere. I'm pretty sure that most guys that sit out in their back yard and smoke meat are like me a redneck at heart, so I'm sorry if I offended anyone but that was a joke and this thread is supposed to be funny, so back to the jokes. Anyone heard any good ones today?

[Wildcat]

Hey guys - I am normally willing to discuss politics with anyone that is open minded and can control their anger, but the Admin folks said no.  Please respect that decision as I would hate to see you guys lose the privilege of being here.  Hopefully the political joke is alright, but I suspect that the other comments are not.  I like jokes that pick on anyone from any side, but I plan to abide by the rules that Admin sets.

p.s.  I have not been offended by anyone and have enjoyed what I have seen posted - but Admin forbids it.

[jbollier]

Ok, like I said, I'm sorry. I will keep my comments for the voting booth which is my right.

[Up In Smoke]

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a chicken on his head,
the doctor asks...may i help you?
the chicken replies,
yes could you please get this guy off my ASS!

[jbollier]

Circus came into town and the elephant escaped where it made its way to an old ladies backyard where she had never seen one before. She called the police to report a large animal in her back yard she had never seen before. when she was asked to describe it she said it was large and pulling her cabbages up from her garden with its tail and she wasn't believing where it was shoving them.

[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Smokin Soon]

[3rensho]

Gotta love Garfield.  I'll use that excuse from now on  ;D ;D

[manxman]

Interesting facts:

It  takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth  to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3  kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's p*nis is three  times the length of his thumb.

Human  thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A  woman's heart beats faster than a  man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria  on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as  often as men.

The average person's skin  weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body  uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are  standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve  something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading  this will be finished now.

Men are still busy  checking their  thumbs


Another interesting fact:

I can scratch my right elbow with my right thumb!  ;) :D

[Ka Honu]

... I can scratch my right elbow with my right thumb! 

Cool!  Don't know that I've ever met anyone with no forearms and double-jointed wrists before.

[bigredsmoker]

The Future?  Very funny video, be aware there is an offer to sign up to support the ACLU at the end.

http://aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf