Funny story of the day

[Hopefull Romantic]

Warning PG-13

Proof That The World Is Nuts!

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.  Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)

SOME OF OF THE BEST MEN i KNEW ARE LEBANESE.

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination.  He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)

MY FRIEND i DONT THINK THAT YOU KNOW KNOW WHERE BAHRAIN IS


IT IS A Good THING THAT WE TRY TO GET A SMILE OUT OF THIS BUT i WOULD NOT INSULT A WHOLE GROUP OF PEOPLE IN DOING SO.

At any TIME, A LINE WAS DRAWN AND WE ALL SHOULD STICK TO IT.


HR

[Caneyscud]

Seen some like this before but they are always fun to read again. Enjoy and feel better about the price of gas.  All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.... You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was...)
Compared with Gasoline...... Think a gallon of gas is expensive?  This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.   

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon 
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ........ $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $385 .. $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ..... . $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source  (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Others
Sweet Baby Rays Rib Sauce...........$12.73 per gallon
Kraft BBQ Sauce........$10.97 per gallon
Campbells Beef Broth.....$16.94 per gallon
Carnation liquid Breakfast.....$17.43 per gallon
Guinness Beer ......$17.76 per gallon
Heinz Ketchup.................$22.77 per gallon
Fluff Marshmallow Cream........$27.92 per gallon
Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing.........$30.80 per gallon
Red Bull........$33.77 per gallon
Smuckers Magic Shell Fudge topping...........$42.78 per gallon
Whipped cream in can ............$51.02 per gallon
Lysol Spray..........$53.23 per gallon
Pledge..............$59.25 per gallon
Colgate regular toothpaste..........$60.10 per gallon
Fancy Feast Cat Food.............$92.80 per gallon
Glade Candle......$118.08 per gallon
Axe Spray Deoderant..........$159.60 per gallon
Old Spice after shave..............$160.55 per gallon
K-Y ............... $191.36 per gallon
Bull Frog Sunscreen...........$255.74 per gallon
Prepartion H ................$702.72 per gallon
Air Wick Freshmatic Mini Refill.....$798.40 per gallon
Banana Boat Lip Balm................$1,698.13 per gallon
Krazy Glue  ------- $2,339.56 per gallon


Cooking wine..............$31.92 per gallon
Lafitte Rothschild 2000 (it was a good year)...........$7,313.43 per gallon on avg auction price
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?  So they have you hooked for the ink.  Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............  (you won't believe it....but it is true.......)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!   Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

[classicrockgriller]

I'd like to see someone go into the drug store and ask for a gallon of K-Y.

[HawkeyeSmokes]

Seen some like this before but they are always fun to read again. Enjoy and feel better about the price of gas.  All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.... You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was...)
Compared with Gasoline...... Think a gallon of gas is expensive?  This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.   

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon 
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ........ $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $385 .. $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ..... . $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source  (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Others
Sweet Baby Rays Rib Sauce...........$12.73 per gallon
Kraft BBQ Sauce........$10.97 per gallon
Campbells Beef Broth.....$16.94 per gallon
Carnation liquid Breakfast.....$17.43 per gallon
Guinness Beer ......$17.76 per gallon
Heinz Ketchup.................$22.77 per gallon
Fluff Marshmallow Cream........$27.92 per gallon
Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing.........$30.80 per gallon
Red Bull........$33.77 per gallon
Smuckers Magic Shell Fudge topping...........$42.78 per gallon
Whipped cream in can ............$51.02 per gallon
Lysol Spray..........$53.23 per gallon
Pledge..............$59.25 per gallon
Colgate regular toothpaste..........$60.10 per gallon
Fancy Feast Cat Food.............$92.80 per gallon
Glade Candle......$118.08 per gallon
Axe Spray Deoderant..........$159.60 per gallon
Old Spice after shave..............$160.55 per gallon
K-Y ............... $191.36 per gallon
Bull Frog Sunscreen...........$255.74 per gallon
Prepartion H ................$702.72 per gallon
Air Wick Freshmatic Mini Refill.....$798.40 per gallon
Banana Boat Lip Balm................$1,698.13 per gallon
Krazy Glue  ------- $2,339.56 per gallon


Cooking wine..............$31.92 per gallon
Lafitte Rothschild 2000 (it was a good year)...........$7,313.43 per gallon on avg auction price
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?  So they have you hooked for the ink.  Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............  (you won't believe it....but it is true.......)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!   Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

Gee, I think the Guinness is the best deal of the bunch. At least yah feel good after consuming it!  :D

[Quarlow]

What the hell would you do with a gallon of crazy glue hehehe :-\

[HawkeyeSmokes]

What the hell would you do with a gallon of crazy glue hehehe :-\

Seal up a lot of butt crack! Looks better than plumbers putty!  :D

[dbrown1]

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in  California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

             
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?" 

                 
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
         
         
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.           

         

         
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ...           
         

         

         
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.       

         

         
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."           

         

         
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.       

         

         
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.           

         

         
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"           

         

         
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"       

         
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.             
         

         

         
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"           

         

         
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and
you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.  This is a herd of sheep. .....           

         

         
Now give me back my dog.

[FLBentRider]

 ;D ;D ;D

[classicrockgriller]

  ;D ;D  FUNNY  ;D ;D

[Up In Smoke]

Subject: new treatment for sunburn


>   A guy fell  asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'? The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'

[Quarlow]

Where would we be ........if we as Canadians did not have our great People from that isolated Island Newfoundland to pick on...with their crazy way of talking.....









Newfoundland Declares War on the USA.

President Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Obama," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Obama replied, "This is indeed important news ! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Obama paused. "I must tell you Archie that we have one million men in our army waiting to move on my command."

"Holyjeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Obama asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that we have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased our army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lard t'underin' bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. " President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Obama was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that we have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. Our military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased our army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Obama . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN!

[classicrockgriller]

eh?

[Quarlow]

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a Slinky, Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing

"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow"

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.  If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

[classicrockgriller]

that's funny

[classicrockgriller]

I went to Jamaica cpl yrs ago. They had a party on the beach for us tourist. After the food and during the rum drinks they had people singing, etc. They played a song and some of the words stuck in my head..quite funny.

"Your Daddy"
( ok...put on some Jamician music...no words )
Young boy goes to his Daddy and tells Him he is in Love. The daddy is pleased and ask him who the girl is. After the young boy tells him, the Daddy says: Oh son, you can't marry this girl. The son, heart broken ask.... Why? The Dad said cause she is your sister....but your momma doesn't know.
  The young boy is heart broken...doesn't know what to do.
  After several weeks he decides to tell his mother of his problems. His momma listens to the story and tells the young boy to marry the girl. But Mom how can I do that. Mom replies.....cause your Daddy is not your Daddy, but your Daddy don't know.