Funny story of the day

Wildcat · December 12, 2007, 05:11:52 AM

:D :D :D I almost choked on my coffee! Good one Manxman! ;D ;D

iceman · December 12, 2007, 09:00:59 AM

Manx, that made the whole office roll! Thanks for putting us in a great mood. :D

acords · December 12, 2007, 02:06:46 PM

Wildcat · December 12, 2007, 03:26:01 PM

:D That would do it alright. ;D

Smoking Duck · December 12, 2007, 04:05:27 PM

Anyone else been here?

http://www.glumbert.com/media/baddayoffice

Smoking Duck · December 12, 2007, 04:13:37 PM

Dang......where did I put that stupid moose?

Here's the story:

Pogo Moose Incident - Fairbanks , Alaska
"They were laying new power cables which were strung on the ground for miles. The moose are rutting right now and very agitated. He was thrashing around and got his antlers stuck in the cables. When the men (miles away) began pulling the lines up with their big equipment, the moose went up with them. They noticed excess tension in the lines and went searching for the problem. He was still alive when they lowered him to the ground. He was a huge 60 inch bull and more than slightly peeved!"

Smoking Duck · December 12, 2007, 04:20:09 PM

Okay, so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: "Hello this is Walmarts, how can I help you?" (Imagine in a strong redneck accent)
Customer: " I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."
Walmart Employee: "What do ya'll want on the cake?"
Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that, "We will miss you".

iceman · December 13, 2007, 09:04:20 AM

Quote from: Smoking Duck on December 12, 2007, 04:13:37 PM
Dang......where did I put that stupid moose?

Here's the story:

Pogo Moose Incident - Fairbanks , Alaska
"They were laying new power cables which were strung on the ground for miles. The moose are rutting right now and very agitated. He was thrashing around and got his antlers stuck in the cables. When the men (miles away) began pulling the lines up with their big equipment, the moose went up with them. They noticed excess tension in the lines and went searching for the problem. He was still alive when they lowered him to the ground. He was a huge 60 inch bull and more than slightly peeved!"

My neighbor was one of the lineman on this project. I didn't believe him until the picture came out in the paper :D

manxman · December 17, 2007, 03:03:45 AM

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow policemans expense!!

Glasgow cop says," Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop, that's the law , Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the f**k out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow down?"

3rensho · December 17, 2007, 04:34:15 AM

ROF Manx. ;D ;D ;D Too funny

Tom

Wildcat · December 17, 2007, 04:38:03 AM

;D ;D Good one Manx. :D

3rensho · December 17, 2007, 05:52:59 AM

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scot are attending the funeral of a mutual friend.

It's an open coffin affair and the three of them are standing next to it and reminiscing about old Colin laid out in front of them.

The Englishman says "I owed Colin 20 pounds and never got a chance to pay him back". He then proceeds to take out his wallet and lays a 20 pound note in the coffin.

The Irishman says "I owed him 20 quid as well" and follows the lead of the Englishman.

Not to be out done, the Scot says "I owed Colin 60 pounds". He then pulls out his checkbook, writes a check for 100 pounds, lays it in the coffin and removes the two 20 pound notes to his pocket.

manxman · December 17, 2007, 06:00:24 AM

:D :D :D

Wildcat · December 17, 2007, 07:15:54 AM

:D :D

manxman · December 18, 2007, 05:48:06 AM

A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy said aloud,

"Golly, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot said, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Goodness," the guy replied. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird ."

"Oh yeah?" the man said, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," said the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought tobuy me. I'd be a great companion."

The man looked at the £200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," said the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £20, just make the guy an offer!"

The man offered £20 and walked out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and has great insight. The man is delighted.

One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asked the man.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy said incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaimed. "And she let him?"

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."

Then the frantic man screamed, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got an er*ction and fell off my perch!"