Funny story of the day

[bigredsmoker]

For anybody who's raised a kid:
 
Most of America 's populace think it improper to spank children.  The other day I was talking to one of my younger buddies about methods used to discipline children.
We talked about 'time outs', grounding, holding  back 'rewards' until the child displayed desired behavior etc. One of the things we discussed was the act of spanking and my friend explained that no, he does not spank any of his children.

He explained that what he does is to take the misbehaving child out for a ride in the car and talk. He said that usually this works and that the child calms down fairly quickly and really doesn't take too much time.

By removing the child, in this case his son, from the immediate situation and providing a change of scenery, the child is allowed to focus on something different. Once the child has the opportunity to change perspective, things get better quickly and the child has better understanding of his place within the family and begins to understand the families concept of acceptable behavior.

He kindly shared a picture of the process which I share with you now.
 
 
 
 
 











 
 




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[Wildcat]

 ;D ;D ;D I shared this with my wife (a middle school teacher) and she had a good laugh and wanted to say thanks - she needed that after a rough day at work.

[Mr Walleye]

LMAO  :D :D ;D ;D ;D

Mike

[Ontrack]

Many years ago I told my wife of a very similar discipline method I had in mind for our future children...22 years married and still no kids... ;) ::)

[Wildcat]

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.  He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."


Passenger: "Who?"


Cabbie: "Frank Feldman.  He's a guy who did everything right all the time.  Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman, every single time."


Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."


Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman.  He was a terrific athlete.  He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis.  He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.  He was an amazing guy."


Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.


Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer.  Could remember everybody's birthday.  He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.  He could fix anything.  Not like me.  I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."


Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."


Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams.  Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.  He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too -- he was the perfect man!  He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."


Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"


Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank.  I just married his *%&@^$ widow."

[bigredsmoker]

Thanks for tha laugh Wildcat :D :D :D

I needed that today, the kids are off school for the third day in a row and they are going to be driving me batty by the end of the day I can tell. They were off Monday and Tuesday for scheduled days off and today the schools closed because of dangerous wind chills (-25 to -35).

[HCT]

2 good ones. :D :D :D

[coyote]

Hey Bigredsmoker , If only radio had pictures :D :D :D

Coyote

[aces-n-eights]

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to
close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat
in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding
rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back
of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new
ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth
and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1
beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's fore arm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to
leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill
down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the darn cat from across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little fuzzball's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.
Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to capture mutant cat from hell and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.

[Mr Walleye]

 :D  :D  :D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D

Ain't that the truth!  ;)

Mike

[Arcs_n_Sparks]

Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to
leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill
down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

Did someone say beverage?????????

[West Coast Kansan]

Perfect aces / that's perfect  :D  :D  ;D

[3rensho]

Very funny.  Describes on of our kitties to a tee.  Still have the scars on my forearm.  ;D ;D

[manxman]

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest
beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

He replied, "Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits,  and I'm
afraid they will confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through
Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The
official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is,
to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead Father."

[3rensho]

Had to be a Jesuit to come up with that!!   ;D ;D ;D